I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
