is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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