so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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