a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a hot homeless man
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
