I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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