its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
