bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
