I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
