now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
