There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
smell my finger.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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