Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I want is dick and wine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
