I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
