did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
