i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize