oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
