HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
