You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize