I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
