Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
