I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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