I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
