In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
