so explain again why im purple
no
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize