You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
