Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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