turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
