My pussy is not your playground.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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