i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
