Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize