someone owes me an orgasm
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
