so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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