you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize