So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
