2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
