but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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