She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
