So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bring me that man meat
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
