i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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