If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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