I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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