how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
