he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize