Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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