eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
