I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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