I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize