he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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