Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize