I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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