the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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