WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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