gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
and she was petting her beer can
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
