If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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