he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
