I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
