i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
