There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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