What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's the barista slut.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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