i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
