Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
