So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
