ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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