If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
love makes seman taste better
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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