So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
