He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
