True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found puke in my bra..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
