I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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