Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
