i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
